blogging is cooler than statistics.

This weekend has been some combination of great and exhausting. But maybe those are the best kind of weekends.

The End of the Year Banquet (EOYB) for CCF was a little emotional but awesome overall. The Branch Barks rushed to the buffet line so we could serve one more time, and we got the chance to see and hear just how much it meant to Becky and Jesse that we do that each week. The meal was a CCF classic - Zook's Chicken, green beans, and brownies. Zook's is an amazing combination of chicken, cream of mushroom soup, butter, and Ritz crackers, and it's generally regarded as the best meal we make. Anyway, the great meal was followed by FIVE HOURS of senior speeches, Wickies (a tradition goofy awards that always takes a turn for the worst when the "write-in nominees" are listed), intern speeches, and a slide show of the year in review. After the banquet, most of us went to the official "after party," and I had the chance to laugh with a big group of friends, talk with a small group, and just soak up everything I love about CCF.

Yesterday was the Global Night Commute, and it was a pretty awesome experience. A group of us (CCF kids and my non-CCF friends) walked from campus to Piedmont Park (about 1.5 miles), checked in, and then got ready to walk BACK to campus (where the actual event was taking place). It was really cool, actually - there was a film crew for the feature-length documentary the Invisible Children group is working on there the whole time, and so we filmed some scenes for the movie. There might be some scenes of my friends and me walking in the actual movie. Pretty cool. Anyway, the rest of the night was spent hanging out, laughing, writing letters to officials, and attempting to sleep in a park on campus. It was pretty awesome - there were somewhere around 1000 people out there with us.

This weekend was just a great reminder of the friends I have been blessed with. That's something that's really hit me this semester, and especially in the last several weeks. I have been so blessed with different people. From the ones who have stuck with me from day one, even when they don't understand why I'm fighting for change in my life, to someone who has known me less than a year and was willing to tell me that she loved me even after I told her what I saw as all the things that made me un-lovable. And then there's the one who, if "day one" is the first day of college, has been with me since day -365, or something like that, has watched and helped me struggle, grow, change, laugh, cry, and everything in between. For God to let me have so many different people in my life to teach me about love... wow. I don't get it, but I wouldn't give it up for anything.

So, the next few (four is "a few," right?) days will be filled with errands, packing, studying, cleaning, etc. ... but I'm excited about all the people who will fill those days, too. I am looking forward to enjoying the company of so many great people for the last few times. I just hope that I can do it with a joyful mindset, rather than a sad one. I want to remember and hold onto everything about this place because that's why I'm going to Puebla. I'm going because I have found such a great community, and if I can share that love with one person in a place that doesn't have the same community... then it's worth the semester. I'm sure it will be.

mmmbop (that's right, my title is the title of a Hanson song)

Today was exactly what I needed. The day started early with a solid BMED poster presentation and a ROUGH statics test (read: I needed a 63 to keep an A and not take the final... I'm not so sure if I got it.), but from there it got so much better. This afternoon at CCF was just a reminder of exactly how great this year has been. We made the last round of cinnamon rolls for the year, I talked to Lindsey (the Globalscope coordinator) about flights, etc., I saw so many people that have made this year great, and we all just hung out and talked. I know this isn't a revolutionary statement, but I fit in there, you know? I have FRIENDS... people willing to tease me, put their arms around me while we talk, have real discussions with me, and share concerns with me. That's really all new this year, and the fact that I've gained it in such a short amount of time blows my mind. After cinnamon rolls were done, I went outside and played a "new game" with some friends... basically two people had an iPod and were singing along as loud as they could, and we were all trying to sing along with them. Highlights included: "Mmmbop," "Flood" (Jars of Clay), and "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Tonight's showing of Invisible Children was really cool, too. Mona and Sallie came with me, and we all really enjoyed the movie. It was pretty intense, and the 50 minutes fly by. I rarely am moved by documentaries (I dont know why... I'm incredibly sappy when it comes to cheesy movies), but this one brought me to tears at one point. I think it had a similar impact on Mona and Sallie - we all decided to do the "Global Night Commute" this Saturday night, and I think it'll be a powerful experience. Basically, we're all going to walk from campus to Piedmont Park, and then we'll spend the night outside... sleeping, writing letters to our congressmen, and just experiencing a night in the life of a child in Uganda.

My suggestion for the week: if you're ever feeling down, take a small piece of paper, and write at the top "How is God Blessing Me?" Keep the paper with you all week, and when you see God blessing you (if it's a really bad week, just start with "when you see something that turns out better than expected" =) ), write it down. It's cool to watch your paper fill up.

And we all fall down again

It's not always easy.

That's half of the biggest lesson I've learned this past week: it's not always easy. I knew that, of course... I've had hard days, weeks, months, etc. But this time I learned it in a different way. Because this time, that's only half the lesson. The other half? ...But God's always there.

This week hasn't been BAD. And, honestly, I can't quite say what made it hard. But it was certainly harder than the two weeks before it. I think there was just a ton going on, and there wasn't really any time to relax. And when I finally got the chance to relax this weekend, I felt so alone. I've been down for a good chunk of the weekend, and a huge part of me just wants someone who I can be completely comfortable with near me. This whole week just wore me out with everyone being weird about something, so I was convinced I was ready to just be done with people... but now I'm so ready to be around those friends who I don't have to worry about that stuff with.

I'm really not as down as I sound. I mean, I feel pretty run down, but I know that it's all okay. I sat out on the balcony and just talked to God for a while tonight. Some of it was good, and some of it was me being frustrated. I think I find that really amazing... that we have a God that listens and responds to us, no matter what we're saying.

That's what has made this week so cool, I think... I didn't wake up every morning going "Hey, God, show me what you want me to learn today! I'm excited!" I know that sounds awfully energetic for 8:30 in the morning, but that's how it had been for the first two weeks of reading the Bible in the morning. This week, though, I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay put and avoid the day. But I got up, I read the Bible, and you know what? I got something out of it, every day. Every day this week, by the time I was done reading for the morning, my mindset had changed. The fatigue melted away, and I faced the day with God at my side.

I don't really know what this week will be like... there's a lot of hard stuff (test, poster presentation tomorrow, assignments due all week), but there's also a lot to look forward to (the END of classes, Invisible Children tomorrow night, Branch Barks, Bible Study on the Lawn, End of the Year Banquet, talking to my best friend, etc.)... so, we'll see where the week takes me. But no matter what, I know I'm not alone. And that's pretty awesome.

slow weekends and resurrection joy

For the first time in... I don't really know how long, actually... the weekend is not entirely packed with things to do. I still have a test to study for on Monday, as well as other assignments due all week (including a paper I haven't started writing yet due Thursday...), but the weekend is at least mostly unstructured. I'm pretty happy about this, I think. I'm going with my friend Jill to visit another friend (one of my Puebla teammates, actually), who is currently bed-ridden at her mom's house. I guess she messed up her knee pretty badly a couple of weeks ago, and the doctors told her to stay off of it as much as possible. SO, we're going to go up and visit her for the evening. It should be really fun.

I'm sure I've said this before, but I think that personality tests are SO interesting. The Myers-Briggs test tells me that I'm a mix between an introvert and extrovert (I'm an XSTJ, for anyone who cares/knows what that means)...what I find interesting about that is that, looking at my life, I can really see that play out in my life, you know? I am a little bit lonely tonight, and I'd love to be in a relaxed but more social setting...at least around one or two good friends. But at the same time, I've been around people all week, and I'm VERY excited about the break. I had some options for the evening, but really I'm glad to be able to sit at home, watch "What Not to Wear," and just unwind. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Nowhere, maybe. That's okay.

Bible Study last night was NUTS. Rick talked about "resurrection joy," and it was a great reminder that, with the resurrection at the foundation of our faith, we have SO much to celebrate. That was followed by a pretty insane celebration while we sang praise music... balloons, confetti, conga lines, crowd surfing, and the like. I mostly just stood back, watched, and sang. It was cool, though... I looked at my friend next to me, who has been raised Catholic, and she was praising God... hands in the air, eyes closed, FEELING IT praise. In the two years I've gone to CCF with her, that was the first time I've seen that, and it made me smile. After a while, a couple of other friends (including Becky) came back to where we were, and we all just sang, laughed, and had a great time. Imagine if we praised God like that every week... how could we NOT live lives on fire for Him?

I e-mailed my contact in Colorado, and he's in the dark about summer interns, as well. He said I should find a backup plan, just in case stuff doesn't pan out. So, I sent an e-mail about a backup plan tonight. Not where I expected to be thinking about working, but who knows. It could be the right place. I'll be a little less vague once I actually hear that it can be my backup. =)

I'm off to enjoy my moderately calm weekend. I hope everyone else has a great one.

realizations I should have had 10 (ten?) years ago.

It's very possible that I just thought something I've never thought before in my life. What was it, you ask? "Why am I worrying about this?"
... yeah, I know. It's ridiculous that in the 20 years of my life, it's the first time I can remember actually questioning WHY I was worrying before the worry set in. I know I worry too much, and I've spent many times sitting in my room with tears of frustration in my eyes saying "why do I let myself worry?!" But this time, I stopped myself. It may seem like something small and stupid, but if you know me, you know that it's a pretty big step. I think I have just finally let it click, that God won't let me down. I don't have to worry about the fact that three of us have been asked to live in two people's places for the spring. I don't have to worry about housing because God's not going to let me live out on a park bench somewhere on campus. I had a really hard test yesterday, and another one today. And I really don't have to worry about grades, because God's going to take me wherever He wants me to be in the future - a 1 hour circuits lab is not bigger than God. (One blog reader will recognize this as something she's said DOZENS of times. I listened, I promise. It just took God to actually convince me =) )

Anyway, that's pretty cool. You know what else is pretty cool? Tonight I will actually get a decent night's sleep - first time since Sunday I will be in bed before 2:30. Time for dinner, then off to the BMED building. =)

I have officially lost all chance at getting a summer REU (research experience for undergrads). My "backup" even turned me down today. Awesome. The only position left is my dream job... I'm a big enough nerd that I can't picture a summer cooler than studying infectious disease in the mountains. I know that God has something great and huge planned for my life, and I actually really believe that. So why can't I believe the same for the summer?

If you would, pray... that I believe God has a huge, cool plan for my life and my summer, and that He takes me down a wonderful, exciting path. Thanks.

from Harry Potter to picnics in Piedmont

The last couple of days have not been incredibly productive on the school front, but I think that's okay. This whole semester has necessitated pretty frequent productivity, and sometimes you just need a break. Or, at least, I do. So, Thursday night was a road trip to Duluth, back to campus, BACK to Duluth, and finally back to campus. This was all after a great Bible Study and an amazing talk from a Kenyan dignitary at CCF. Friday meant Chipotle! (I know there's not really an exclamation point after Chipotle, but I love it so much that I feel like it needs to be there every time I say that I got to eat there), as well as Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. What a great movie. Today, I got the chance to catch up with my best friend, which was (as expected) wonderful. After that, I got a little bit of work done and then headed out to Piedmont Park (Atlanta's version of Central Park) for a picnic with Roommate (my freshman-year roommate, not someone I currently live with), as well as Mona. I love those girls. One of my biggest regrets from last year is that I wasn't able to see how great my roommate was while I still lived with her.

God's blessings are truly amazing to me. Three weeks ago, if asked how the past three weeks would be, I would have expected the worst. Maybe not awful, but at least a stressful, lonely, down three weeks. But it hasn't been that at all, and that's what I find amazing. Instead, I've had a blast. School's there, but it's not an issue like it has been. It's hard, and I study my tail off, and I get frustrated at times. But then I let it go. How? Man, I have no idea. I've been trying to be able to do that for two years. But something finally clicked these past couple of weeks. Along with that, I've had more fun, been more open, and connected more at CCF than I can remember. Crazy.

And then there was the realization today that stuff can be that good here without losing something I care deeply about. That I can become open and develop relationships, and that I can REALLY start to feel God around me, and that feeling Him more DOESN'T mean losing anything else. It seems contrary to logic... human thought tells us that we have to choose - we can spend time on this or that, with those friends or that friend, and so on. But God doesn't work that way. When we spend time with Him - really hunger for that time with Him - He doesn't take away the other good stuff. He opens up our heart, refines us, and blesses us with so much more. That may not be expressed in terms of hours in the day, but in terms of our heart: He fills our hearts with love, but that doesn't keep us from sharing that with anyone else. I guess I take back what I said - Loving God DOES mean losing things. It means letting Him refine us, change us, and mold us. And it might be hard at first, but the stuff He takes away leaves us with some pretty wonderful things.

It blows my mind, how much God has blessed me. I'm so excited to see the work He's doing, and I'm so grateful for a community of support here and an amazing friend willing to listen to me rant about "how cool" God is for a pretty long time on a Saturday morning. =) I don't deserve any of it, and that makes it even more incredible. I guess this is the right time of year to reflect on just how freakin' awesome God's love is, and I feel like I've been shown that in a pretty amazing way lately. Sorry if my constant barrage of "this is what God did today" is sickeningly upbeat and redundant... I think it's maybe a little more interesting than "this is the latest person to tell me that I'm funny, which is great because I thought they hated me!" stories, but I'd have to get Claire to back me up on that.

As usual, my mind is wandering when I should be asleep.

Two GT students have filed a lawsuit against the school because of its policy against "intolerant speech." Their argument is that housing guidlines, student behavior policies, and space planning policies are entirely discriminatory against groups who wish to condemn the behavior/lifestyles of fellow students. Additionally, they are angry about the existence of a school-sponsored program aimed at acceptance and tolerance of homosexual students. From what the legal brief says, these two students (one Jewish, one Christian, both active in the College Republicans) feel discriminated against because they are not allowed to condemn homosexual students. The policies they take issue with are ones that prohibit phyisical and verbal attacks, as well as harrassment and violence. They are angry that the school's policies against intolerance exist.

This makes me really sad. First of all, I know the key figure involved in this case. I knew she was pretty conservative, as well as an active member of the campus Christian sorority and a campus ministry. I had a class with her last semester, and she is well-known throughout her major. I guess... I was just really surprised to see this much anger from her. She is a minority; I guess I just expected more tolerance from someone who, earlier in time, would have been discriminated against. I don't get it. I don't get the whole thing, really. Why do we, as a society, seek to hate first and love when necessary? Why do we feel the need to promote intolerance? There would be no issue with standing on Skiles (the main walkway and "tabling" area on campus) and saying "Jesus loves us, even when we fall short of perfection. " So, why do we quickly elevate a situation to fight for intolerance? And then why do those of us so angry about intolerance jump to the same mindset as those we are angry with? How quickly do we say "how could she do this? what an awful person!" I don't know about everyone else, but I had to stop myself from being angry with HER... not with the intolerance, but with the one being intolerant. It makes me sad.

The last couple of days have been good. I'm looking forward to the weekend. Good night.

mid-afternoon thoughts

CCF has been doing this thing we're calling "Mission Maasai"... it's a huge effort to raise money for the Maasai people of Africa, who are currently being affected by a HORRIBLE drought. Anyway, last night was our big benefit concert. It's something we've been putting a lot of work into, and the whole idea is that it won't just be the pinnacle of Mission Maasai; it will be the starting point. So, the concert was amazing. We raised over $15000 (!!), a bunch of people came, and we even had someone from the UN and a moderately famous author in attendance. It was pretty amazing.

Life has been pretty decent lately, but in that really busy kind of way. I feel like I'm constantly on my way to something else - a test, a class, a meeting, something. I got my passport application turned in today, so that's exciting. I talked in line for about 40 minutes with a woman who recently graduated from Emory and spent time in Australia and South Africa while in school. That was pretty interesting. Small group was also good today... we really just hung out and talked, but sometimes that's nice. Becky reminded us that she's here for us, so if we have anything we want to talk about, hash out, or just ask in the next three weeks, to go for it. So, that's cool.

A couple of weeks ago, I started reading the Bible every morning, and the results have been pretty amazing. I'm not saying that quiet time for 20 minutes every morning is some perfect formula for growing closer to God, but I am saying that finding a way to grow closer to God is a pretty phenomenal process. I guess I don't know how to explain what's happened. It's not something specific and clear and obvious that I can point out, but it's there. It's just this awareness that I have a better friend than I could ever imagine with me, all the time. Not that I talk to Him all the time. But I could, you know? And it's not that I don't get scared; I do. And it's not that I don't get down; I do that, too. But it's that when I do, I have this knowledge in the back of my head that, whenever I'm ready, I've got Someone waiting to get rid of that fear, frustration, or stress. I don't know that I've ever felt this before. I've known that it was there my whole life, but I don't remember ever FEELING it, and it's sort of neat, now that I'm starting to.

If you're reading this, pray for my family. My grandfather (my mom's dad) has been pretty sick lately, and a doctor did a colonoscopy yesterday and found a bunch of ulcers. They don't know what it means yet, but it's cause for concern. It's his 80th birthday on Saturday, and they're (planning on) throwing him a huge party. He's one of the strongest men and Christians I have ever met - he fell through the ground into a cave and was paralyzed from the waist down about 6 months before I was born. Despite this, I've never heard him complain, ask for sympathy, or let that serve as an excuse. Anyway, after the past couple of months, it's hard to imagine a good outcome from this situation. Just pray that everyone back home will know what to do (the doctors, my grandmother, my mom and her sibilings, etc.), and that the rest of us can know how to support them and him. Thanks.

my turn for a "meme"

First of all, I should say that I have never done a "meme." Surveys, yes. "Meme," no. I have a hard time taking the word seriously. Is there some reason for the name that I'm missing?

1. How many Bibles are in your home?
Between my dad's house and mom's house, I would guess at least 20. However, in my apartment, there are... two. I am assuming that my two Hindi and one Muslim roommate do not have Bibles, and I definitely just snuck into my fifth roommate's room to confirm her possession of a Bible. I feel like such a heathen compared to Ms. "At least eight" ;-)

2. What rooms are they in?
My room and "the roommate who we don't name"'s room. Mine moves from the right side of my desk to my bed to on top of my computer, depending on the time of day. I put it on top of my computer every night, as I close my laptop. That way, I can't forget that reading it needs to be the first thing I do in the morning. Way more important than email, blogs, or even the impeccable Lawrence Journal-World .

3. What translations do you have?
Mine is NIV, I didn't look at roommate's. Let me go check. It's The International Children's Bible: New Century Version. Am I creepy for now sneaking into her room TWICE to look at her Bible?

4. Do you have a preference?
I'm a big NIV fan. I'm not opposed to the others - sometimes I think NKJV and RSV do a better job of giving the words the power they deserve, but I also feel like I sometimes get so caught up in the weird wording that I can't totally understand that it's a story. I remember my Mormon friend reading my Bible (after a lifetime of KJV) and saying, "it's like yours is telling a story! I never knew that there was a story in there!" At the same time, I feel like the Message can be good for getting the big idea across, but that sometimes it takes the "modern phrasing" too far.

One time, in high school, we had a youth group lesson about Bible translations. The big point was that, when looking for a new translation, it's important to make sure that it is indeed a translation. I guess a lot of the new ones are "paraphrases," which means they didn't go back and literally translate the Greek; instead, they just tried to rephrase existing texts.

5. Nominate an interesting verse.
"...One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, 'Ask him which one he means.' Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, 'Lord, who is it?'" -- John 13:23-25

This verse doesn't seem interesting on the surface, but I found it really interesting after a lesson this weekend, at the CCF retreat. First of all, John never refers to himself by name, just as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." But what's really interesting is the thing about leaning against Jesus. Other versions (such as the Message, I think) describe it as leaning against Jesus' chest. The speaker encouraged us to think about how powerful that would be - to hear Christ's heartbeat. John was obviously blown away by it - he describes himself in terms of being the one to do that in John 21, as well. He wrote that book of the Bible 60 years after the events took place, and he still talks about it, you know? The speaker's point was that John defined himself for the rest of his life as being the one who leans on Jesus, the one who knows His heartbeat because of the intimacy of their friendship. I think that's pretty interesting.

I'm done. I have no one to tag...

the chair won...

My realization of the night: it's so much easier to leave when you're leaving nothing behind. The retreat was wonderful, and I'm SO excited about the Georgia Southern kids coming with us to Puebla (half of our team is from GSU, half are Tech/State). We went out to Waffle House last night, and it was awkward for about the first 10 minutes. But then we spent the next two hours talking, laughing, and getting to know each other. I was goofier than usual (which I sometimes do when nervous =)), but it broke the ice and everyone seemed to get comfortable. I think it'll be a fun semester.

At the same time, though, tonight was rough. Becky said something yesterday I hadn't thought about... she won't come to Mexico until she fundraises enough. So, there's a pretty decent chance she won't come down until after we're there. Maybe (in a worst-case scenario) not even until second semester. I think there was more than that on my mind, though. This year has been amazing. I've really started to develop a community: I have friends my own age, older people who are there to support me and listen, and a spiritual mentor and friend who has pushed and loved me all year long. And I'm about to lose a huge chunk of that community. Almost all of my older friends (all of the interns, plus many of the Big Saps) are moving out of the country or moving on to different jobs. The interns are leaving. I know that this is part of CCF's structure, and I know that it's set up that way for a reason. But MAN, it seems rough to give up this year's interns. We were supposed to tell our interns we appreciated them tonight, after a campfire. I mostly just stood back and watched everyone interact for a while. Then Ansley (a second semester intern and one of Becky's best friends) came up and hugged me, and I thanked her for the year, and she said "thank you for loving Becky the way that you do." Becky came up to me, too, and we hugged and she told me that I had grown SO much, and that I never needed to doubt myself again, because of all I've learned this year. And she told me she loved me so much. I told her that I loved her, and...man. Just... intense stuff, you know? We've still got a couple of weeks, but it's all winding down. Scary.

Sorry... I feel like like the play by play is weird, or boring, or something. But I want to write it down, because it's what's in my head. And if you can't write what's in your head on your blog, where can you write it?

So, back to what I said at the beginning... it's a heck of a lot easier to think about leaving a place you don't care about than a community of friends. But at the same time, that's EXACTLY the reason I need to go to Puebla. If there's a kid at UDLA who seems to have it all together on the outside but is falling apart and desperate for a community on the inside, then what choice do I have but to help that kid find that community?

One more note... I finally made my mark in Rick's memory. Today, we did this set of relay races. The first one involved skipping about 30 yards, spinning around with your head on a baseball bat while the bat is upright on the ground, and then running back to the start. I guess I didn't realize just how dizzy I was, but when I attempted to stand up to run back, I ended up "attacking" the chair for the supervising intern. I apparently took it out with a great deal of vigor. Rick said it's the first chair attack he's seen in his 18 years of ministry, and he made fun of me twice over the course of the day. I'm pretty sore and scraped up, but I figure that'll fade soon.

It's time to sleep. I'm so tired.

study break

One of my roommates commented tonight that she was sure that we (the entire group of us) weren't going to stay friends after this year. That made me a little bit sad. I think I'm generally an optimist - I would rather imagine we'll get together and eat lunch or go out for ice cream than just be certain that we will not. I don't know -she said that she has just learned to let go of friendships when the time is right, and not really care when that happens. She also commented that it'll be impossible to stay friends, anyway, because of the distance - she'll be out-of-state first semester, I'll be out of the country, and the other two (I'm not counting the fifth, for obvious reasons) will be here, in Atlanta.

I guess that's what really got me thinking... I'm so glad that my closest friends don't buy into that idea. My accountability group has already decided we're going to be "international pen pals" next year. My two closest friends at school have made me promise emails and letters; one of them already showed her willingness to write long, thoughtful correspondence this past summer. And my best friend... I think our entire friendship is proof that distance isn't something that can prevent friendship. Now we're learning that time isn't enough to stop a friendship, either. I guess I feel like that's how it SHOULD work, you know? That the only thing that can stop a friendship is the very thing that starts it - God's huge, incomprehensible plan. It makes me sad to see people writing off relationships just because distance, time, and busy-ness seem to work against them.

I guess I should get back to work... organic chemisty is waiting for me, 11 hours from now. Yuck.

Today in my small group, we talked about the list of accountability goals we made last time, and how they'd gone this past week. Pretty good stuff, actually - it was cool to take some time to reflect on the way God had worked in the past few days. Becky had a really good suggestion for one of the things on my list that I didn't yet have a tangible way to deal with - my stress/freaking out about school. Her suggestion is just like something I recently saw in the movie "Elizabethtown." (Copy editors/writers out there - movie titles: italics, underline, or quotes?) ... anyway, here's what she suggested: when something goes wrong in school (I'm at Tech... something, inevitably, will go wrong), I'm going to give myself five minutes to freak out. And then I have to be done. That's it... move on. Because freaking out accomplishes nothing. So, that's the plan. I'm also going to try to do a better job of separating studying and study breaks. I'm going to close my computer when I'm working, and close my books when I'm taking breaks. I think it'll make the work more productive and the breaks more relaxing.

On another note, I forgot to mention that some of my closest friends at school celebrated my birthday this weekend. (No, it was not my birthday this weekend. And yes, they knew this.) ... they gave me a beautiful homemade card, and it explained that they were sad that my birthday and half birthday are both at times when school is not in session. So, from now until the end of the semester, they're going to celebrate my 20th birthday at random times in all of the traditional ways. A piecewise birthday, 3-4 months late. I love my friends.

I'm so ready for the semester to be over. I'm thinking of dropping out of school, traveling approximately 677 miles west-northwest, and becoming a personal assistant. Any takers? =)

Lists, links, and lots of rambling in between

It's been a pretty decent weekend. If not exciting, at least productive. Accomplishments (I use the word loosely) include:

- Trying to convince three high school seniors to come to Tech. I even gave one of them my bed. - Helping organize/attending an institute-wide forum for Student Advisory Boards. Hopefully good will come out of it. If not, at least I got a free lunch and several hours with "hot English class guy" of first semester, freshman year fame. Nice.
- Eating Chipotle! with some friends
- Watching Outbreak with some of the same plus one more friend
- Finishing my taxes, filling out a passport application, and getting passport photos
- Catching up on my chemistry reading
- Three hours of BMED group work

One word of advice... if you're already somewhat worried about the avian flu pandemic thing, I don't recommend Outbreak - I have been itchy all day long. =)

I hate asking my parents for money. Even if I know it's an entirely legitimate reason that I know they support me in (ie, a semester-long mission trip and its related costs), I find it to be a ridiculously humbling experience. I think I was generally just worn down today, but it killed me to have to write my mom an email and ask her about money to cover the cost of a passport. I'm not totally sure why... pride, I guess. She called as soon as she got the email, and was entirely understanding about the whole thing.

I've been reading about Noah lately (well, yesterday and today), and it's been really good for me. With my fourth straight rejecting for a summer internship, I think I needed a reminder that, in the long run, that stuff doesn't matter. Something jumped out at me yesterday: God loved Noah because Noah "walked with God." It's not "Noah walked with God on the way to his cool, new summer internship while holding his transcript showing his perfect 4.0 GPA." (Thank goodness!) But how often do I think it works that way? (Rhetorical question. We all know the answer is "All the time, jerkbutt.") God loved Noah because Noah loved to follow and stay near to God. That's pretty cool.

The next few weeks could be rough. The idea that I don't have to take care of it all is incredibly liberating.

(Random topic jump coming up... NOW)

I had heard about this movie earlier (thanks, claire) , but I talked to a guy tonight who had actually seen it. I HAVE to see it. The preview made me laugh SO hard. (Does that make me a bad person?) Anyway, here it is:
http://www.grizzlymanmovie.com/grizzly.html
(Click "Trailer")

And while you're at it, here's something else amazing and funny. (My mom sent it to me in an email with the subject line "poetry in motion"... maybe this provides some insight into my family):
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4776181634656145640&pr=goog-sl

Sorry this is so long and so all over the place... I promised myself yesterday that I would take time to write in this tonight, and I guess I actually had a lot to say.