A friend and I were talking the other day about how internal change seems to be very gradual. Even when thrown into a brand new situation (a new country, job, school, community, whatever), the mental/emotional/spiritual change doesn't seem to change quite so abruptly. I guess, in a way, that's cool - it seems like that is part of what allows us to keep learning from a situation even when we are no longer in that location. At the same time, though, I find it very frustrating at times. I guess some people are exceptionally adaptable, and maybe they don't have this problem as much as I do. As for me, though, I have to learn and change slowly. I know that the person I am is not the person I want to be; however, I cannot simply do a complete turnaround and be "new and improved" Audrey overnight. How frustrating. I would love it if I could keep calm and not care when DSP doesn't work like I want it to (like tonight).

Maybe that's part of who we are as humans, though. I don't know. There's that cheesy bumper sticker that says "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." It seems like a lot of the secular world sees Christians as people who think they're perfect. For me, though, my faith makes me all the more aware of my struggles. I don't mean that in a negative way necessarily... it's just that many of the things I would like to change about myself are only wrong because of my belief system. Putting school first, stressing about a test, deriving worth from grades are all things that the world has no problem with (and even encourages). I think it's good - I like the person I am when I step away and serve God a lot more than when I focus on the other stuff.

I feel lke I have more to say, but right now I'm just ready to be done with the day.