the chair won...

My realization of the night: it's so much easier to leave when you're leaving nothing behind. The retreat was wonderful, and I'm SO excited about the Georgia Southern kids coming with us to Puebla (half of our team is from GSU, half are Tech/State). We went out to Waffle House last night, and it was awkward for about the first 10 minutes. But then we spent the next two hours talking, laughing, and getting to know each other. I was goofier than usual (which I sometimes do when nervous =)), but it broke the ice and everyone seemed to get comfortable. I think it'll be a fun semester.

At the same time, though, tonight was rough. Becky said something yesterday I hadn't thought about... she won't come to Mexico until she fundraises enough. So, there's a pretty decent chance she won't come down until after we're there. Maybe (in a worst-case scenario) not even until second semester. I think there was more than that on my mind, though. This year has been amazing. I've really started to develop a community: I have friends my own age, older people who are there to support me and listen, and a spiritual mentor and friend who has pushed and loved me all year long. And I'm about to lose a huge chunk of that community. Almost all of my older friends (all of the interns, plus many of the Big Saps) are moving out of the country or moving on to different jobs. The interns are leaving. I know that this is part of CCF's structure, and I know that it's set up that way for a reason. But MAN, it seems rough to give up this year's interns. We were supposed to tell our interns we appreciated them tonight, after a campfire. I mostly just stood back and watched everyone interact for a while. Then Ansley (a second semester intern and one of Becky's best friends) came up and hugged me, and I thanked her for the year, and she said "thank you for loving Becky the way that you do." Becky came up to me, too, and we hugged and she told me that I had grown SO much, and that I never needed to doubt myself again, because of all I've learned this year. And she told me she loved me so much. I told her that I loved her, and...man. Just... intense stuff, you know? We've still got a couple of weeks, but it's all winding down. Scary.

Sorry... I feel like like the play by play is weird, or boring, or something. But I want to write it down, because it's what's in my head. And if you can't write what's in your head on your blog, where can you write it?

So, back to what I said at the beginning... it's a heck of a lot easier to think about leaving a place you don't care about than a community of friends. But at the same time, that's EXACTLY the reason I need to go to Puebla. If there's a kid at UDLA who seems to have it all together on the outside but is falling apart and desperate for a community on the inside, then what choice do I have but to help that kid find that community?

One more note... I finally made my mark in Rick's memory. Today, we did this set of relay races. The first one involved skipping about 30 yards, spinning around with your head on a baseball bat while the bat is upright on the ground, and then running back to the start. I guess I didn't realize just how dizzy I was, but when I attempted to stand up to run back, I ended up "attacking" the chair for the supervising intern. I apparently took it out with a great deal of vigor. Rick said it's the first chair attack he's seen in his 18 years of ministry, and he made fun of me twice over the course of the day. I'm pretty sore and scraped up, but I figure that'll fade soon.

It's time to sleep. I'm so tired.