life is hard sometimes.

About seven months ago, as I sat in my Globalscope interview, Alan Kemper asked me a question that surprised me:
"You're in Puebla, and Satan attacks you. How does he do it? What's his plan of attack?"

I responded in a way that didn't seem especially profound: "He takes something bad at home... big or small, friend or family... and he uses it. He takes advantage of the situation and makes me feel like I can't open up to my community in Mexico. And, in one swift blow, I shut down. And if I'm not open, I can't serve God."

In the last two nights, Satan implemented his attack. He came with a full-on attack tonight. But here's the crazy thing: I saw it, and I'm fighting back.

A couple of people in my family are hurting right now, and it's hard to sit in Mexico and watch. It scares me, and I'm doing my best to put my trust in God. I told one of my closest friends about it yesterday, and she said she'd pray. Today, we talked for a minute online, and I opened up a little more and told her how mad, sad, etc. it was making me. And she went away. She wasn't a source of support; she was absent. She didn't help me deal with my feelings; she didn't even acknowledge them. And instead of thinking it might have been a mixed-up online situation, I got mad. I let Satan make his swift blow, and I started to shut down.

And then my conversation with Kemper replayed in my head. I knew I couldn't let that happen. So I texted another friend, and we went for a walk. I cried, she listened, and then we talked. We talked about how it's OK to be mad/sad/hurt by this situation. Emotions are OK; denying them is not okay. We talked about how God uses all of these experiences, and how we both know we're growing. And she prayed for me... a beautiful, honest prayer of a friend.

This semester is hard, and God is pushing me. Satan's trying to win this one. But I know that as God pushes, He also carries me. So, I pray that I can let Him do that.