A friend and I were talking the other day about how internal change seems to be very gradual. Even when thrown into a brand new situation (a new country, job, school, community, whatever), the mental/emotional/spiritual change doesn't seem to change quite so abruptly. I guess, in a way, that's cool - it seems like that is part of what allows us to keep learning from a situation even when we are no longer in that location. At the same time, though, I find it very frustrating at times. I guess some people are exceptionally adaptable, and maybe they don't have this problem as much as I do. As for me, though, I have to learn and change slowly. I know that the person I am is not the person I want to be; however, I cannot simply do a complete turnaround and be "new and improved" Audrey overnight. How frustrating. I would love it if I could keep calm and not care when DSP doesn't work like I want it to (like tonight).

Maybe that's part of who we are as humans, though. I don't know. There's that cheesy bumper sticker that says "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." It seems like a lot of the secular world sees Christians as people who think they're perfect. For me, though, my faith makes me all the more aware of my struggles. I don't mean that in a negative way necessarily... it's just that many of the things I would like to change about myself are only wrong because of my belief system. Putting school first, stressing about a test, deriving worth from grades are all things that the world has no problem with (and even encourages). I think it's good - I like the person I am when I step away and serve God a lot more than when I focus on the other stuff.

I feel lke I have more to say, but right now I'm just ready to be done with the day.

Stupid bird.

There's this bird that apparently lives somewhere near my window. And every night, between midnight and 2, it starts singing. It's so discouraging to be awake studying and then to hear birds chirping.

Spring break was great, and the days that followed were even better. It's back to the real world now, but the last several days have been really, really good.

I just got back from dinner with a person I'm becoming really good friends with. It seems like I come back with every conversation wither her with a new outlook on a situation, and it's so easy to feel positive after hearing her perspective on life... definitely a good person to spend time around. We talked a lot about God, and the amazing things which he is capable of doing. We talked about changing the world, even if it just means talking to one nerdy kid in the middle of Mexico. We talked about the beauty of God's creation, and how easy it is to see it EVERYWHERE, if you just stop and look - how it is in people, the stars, trees, DNA, and everything else. We talked about what it means to give glory to God, and we talked about how life-changing it would be if we could do that every day, all the time. We talked about the Superbowl, and who God would cheer for (sort of), and elephant-shaped waffles.

But here's the question that I want to think about over the next week... my friend asked me what I like most about myself - the attribute I like most, the one I would like to develop and embrace. Because if I do something that utilizes and develops that trait in my life then it will be awfully hard to be dissatisfied with what I'm doing. I guess the one trick to that is to make sure that the trait I like most, the one I'm basing this all on, is one that I genuinely like, and that God has put on my heart. For so long, my favorite thing about myself was my intelligence. And maybe that's OK, but I think it could only be OK if I can take that trait or skill as something that God has given me, not something that gives me worth.

Interesting stuff, I think.